Back Again

Due to some strange unknown reasons, I've decided to blog again. But God knows how long it'll take me before I quite again >.>

Maybe because now that I've been keeping track on the famous bloggers, I've got the urge to continue my own one as well. Maybe if I didn't stop, I might be famous too! HAHA. I wish. Nobody even reads this shiet.

Anyway, few of the main reasons I stopped was because, I literary had no time. The past two years had been hectic for me. Internship, assignments, friends, not to mention the boyfriend as well. Oh not to mention the problems that came in between these things. Secondly, I didn't want the boyfriend to read all my previous posts. Which was also the reason why I set the blog to private at one point. I guess I was ashamed of letting him know what fangirl emo posts I used to write. I admit, I am ashamed of my past. There is virtually nothing that I could be proud of. Unless you count a friend who used to mean the world to me, but now she left me like I was easily disposable. 

I'll get to that later.

So all in all, he told me that he went through a couple of emo posts, and he was really .. not happy about it? For some reason I'm glad that he kind-of understood what I went through, but I don't want him to feel sad about it. He's the reason I'm no longer writing those posts. I'm proud to say that I am way happier than the sad girl who wrote those emotional confessions.  Lol, cheesy much. Anyway, I think I've opened up and told him enough for the past two years, so I guess it's safe to let him read them. He'll find out eventually that the blog is back, so I'll leave it as that. 

Returning to the friend that I mentioned earlier, I'll admit that its tough for me to accept the fact that we no longer see each other. I loved her like my own sister, but she just .. tossed it all out of the window because there's an argument that we both were too egoistic to let it go? Yeah, that's about right. I admit, I might've overreacted the whole situation, but the times when I actually tried to mend the bonds, she just .. shuts me off. I think it has gone so childish to the point that we had to divide the boyfriend (and her boyfriend)'s group of friends into two. For instance, she'll invite those couple of people from the mutual group of friends to a party, and thinks that boyfie and I wouldn't know about it. I don't know, but I find that this is quite .. childish in my opinion. It makes it feel like I should be really devastated because I wasn't invited to one of her fancy parties.

WELL.

I am devastated, not because I was uninvited. But because you had to resort to this method to try and hurt me? I don't know if that's your intention, but it gives me the impression that you are gathering as many "allies" to your "side" and try to convince them that boyfie and I are the "dark side". So then we'll get isolated and you guys can enjoy your pretty little party together.  Maybe, maybe not, I don't know. One time we had a vacation together, and the both of them literary abandoned us, and dragged the rest of the group with them. For example, they all left to the beach, and her boyfriend just texted my boyfriend to 'inform' us that they're already at the beach. When ACTUALLY, their room is just 5 meters away from our room. Can't they even knock the door and let us know? It seriously didn't even seem like a vacation to us.

The one thing I regret the most, is not the fact that I lost my best friend, but the fact that my boyfriend has lost HIS best friend. A friendship that existed way before she and I even knew them, and now the ties are severed because of our stupid argument. And the worst part is, I thought that at least their friendship could be spared, since technically I'm the one who's having issues with her. But, now it seems that even her boyfriend couldn't care less about his own friendship, and don't even bother to salvage it. Boyfie keeps telling me that he couldn't care less about him anymore, but deep down inside I know he still cares about it.

Now both of us are in this stage where "we should stop pretending that we care for each other when in fact we wanna strangle the other".

I guess that's enough ranting for one post. Toodles <3 nbsp="" p="">LilAngie
xoxo

Current status.

Hmm, there isn't much going on in my life, actually. 

Besides getting more assignments, its pretty much the same.

I'd say, there are major changes in my life now. Besides having the new addition, there are also .. subtraction. 

And I most definitely did not expect to lose one of the most important person in my life, right after someone new entered. 

She, of everyone else, was the first to leave me. 

I honestly didn't see that coming. 

I thought, she of all people, would support me through this. 

But no. She was the first to walk out of my life. And chose not to tell me anything. ANYTHING. 

She said our relationship changed, because I seem to behave in a different manner when he's around.

And we seem to talk about things that concerned only us, whenever we hang out together.

But didn't she realize, that she's been doing the exact same thing in the past?

Having those private conversations with her boyfriend right in front of me? Cuddle and kisses when I'm around? Conversing in a topic that I absolutely have no idea about? And yet I never questioned anything. For several years, this has been going on. But I could bear with it. 

Why can't she? 

Why can't you? 

Why is it you are the one who's always dissatisfied? 

Why didn't you think things from my perspective?

Why is it only YOUR opinion matters? 

I understand perfectly why you are angry at me. 

But I most definitely do not understand why is it you have to make such a harsh execution on me.

Do you really want to settle things and remain the friendship we have or you already decided to wipe me off your life entirely? 

Throughout the years, I stuck with you. All the time. 

Does it look like I will abandon you just because I started dating? 

Which part of my actions indicate that I wish to remove you off my life? 

Your words hurt me even more than what he did. 

Coming from my best friend, especially. 

Now I'm not even sure if I should call you that anymore. 

LilAngie

xoxo

A Different Lifestyle

Things have changed .. quite abit.

Especially my lifestyle, considering that I'm so used to be independent.
Not to say I was very independent, but I never thought of including another person in my routines.

 

I admit, at times, it is very sweet.

And time seems to fly pass by very fast each time we spent time together.

To say that I am contented is an understatement.

 

I am happy. Very happy actually.

 

Till last Saturday, when I saw his back. Well, that was actually his brother.

But then again,

Though it wasn't him, but my heart stopped beating because he resembled him so so much.
After all, he is his brother.

 

I don't know what to feel.

 

I'm supposed to be happy. So why should I still care about him?
Why should I still be bothered about the shits that he put me through?

 

Right, because I still care.

 

And I feel so .. sorry. Sorry that I had to let him see this side of me.
Sorry that I still care about the other guy.
Sorry that I wasn't trully .. healed.

LilAngie
xoxo

Drop dead exhausted.

I have never been this tired in my entire life.


I've only slept for approximately 5 hours average for the past 3 weeks.
And I'm telling you, I really don't like it.


Assignments pilling up, brainstorm for ideas, completed some, gets rejected, brainstorm again, gets rejected again, completed and handed up the assignment, new one comes in.

Literarily, tiring.

And I just  found out Sasuke's convocation is today.
Which means, he might be leaving Malaysia anytime from now.

Which also means, yesterday was probably the last time for me to see him.

LilAngie
xoxo

Emotions.

I always thought myself as a person who lacks of emotion.
Because I rarely express myself, literarily.
I rarely laugh or cry.
Sincerely.Unless I was really really feeling it.
Which of course, rarely happened.

But now,

I could laugh to my heart's content while watching PewDiePie movies.
I could cry my eyes out when I heard mom's admitted to the hospital.
I could feel really envious when I see pairs.
I could be really bold to the person that I dislike (not surprised actually)Not sure if having all these strong emotions is a good thing or a bad thing.


LilAngie
xoxo

A wish that will never come true.

I'd say that, one of my biggest wish would be actually receiving a call from you.
And hear your voice.



But I know, it is impossible.
Knowing you, especially.
LilAngie
xoxo.

Shopping, and beyond.

Password protected, again.

Show Post

LilAngie
xoxo

Dissatisfaction.

Another story that I wanted to share a long time ago, but I wasn't brave enough to name the people involved.

So yeah, its protected post, again.

Show Post

Typing it out made me felt better.
Somewhat.

LilAngie
xoxo

Definitely foe.

'Friends' who only find me when they have nobody else left in their list,

can go and dai.

kthxbye.

LilAngie
xoxo

Password protected post. (Something New)

I liked how Wordpress has this password protected posts on their blogs.

So I Googled to see if I can do the same for Blogger.
And managed to find some HTML codes that can do so :)


The reason why I'm so pissed?

Show Post

LilAngie
xoxo

Friend or Foe?

I treasure friends who :

- Treats me as an equal

- Care for me as how they want me to do the same.

But not as much to the people who seeks for me after their needs are satisfied.

Nor people who only seeks for me when their need is something that I can give.

One simple word that describes these two types of 'friends' :

Selfish.

You know who you are.

LilAngie
xoxo

Wrath.

FGSJFSDFSJFSFSFJSFSKDFSJFSKFAOFVAVMVASFVJASFKA!

LilAngie
xoxo

Not ready at all.

I can't believe its a year already.

I still have that feeling that I just finished SPM few months ago.
Not to mention, the impact of Shawne's death affect me more than I thought it'd be.

Though we were never close, I just felt that human life is so ... unpredictable.

The worst part is probably when I found out he died one day after celebrating his girlfriend's birthday at Port Dickson. It's really really really devastating.
Which is also why I cried everytime I see his girlfriend.

And .. 2012 is like , 2 days away.
I barely felt that I've gone through a year.
Everything seemed to went by in a blink of an eye.
And not to mention, I can't believe I HAD a crush on a narcissist. Dayum.

Guess its okay to know that I've fallen deeper for Sasuke compared to the narcissist.

So , I mised the usual yearly trip to Lagoon to attend a Social Psychology class.
Not to mention, its the day that Shawne left us forever.

All in all, 2o11 is not really a good year after all.

P/s : Skipping class though technically there IS no class to go paintball tomorrow.

I already missed Lagoon, I ain't missing paintball.

LilAngie
xoxo

Just in case I died of unknown cause.

The whole morning was pretty awful for me.

It was fine until I checked Shawne's profile again.
Looking at the messages, especially the one from Damien. I cried reading it.

Probably the first time Yann saw me cry too.

Bumped into Elwin as well. He didn't look as cheerful as he used to be.
We'd understand why. Everyone was devastated.

But otherwise, I did my sketchbook for Sean's tutorial, as usual.

And when it came to the feedback on our previous assignment ;

Jay : Okay, if I get lower marks than all of you ..

Me : You're gonna kill us?

Jay : IF you all got higher than me.

*everyone was staring at him*

Mr.Sean : So .. who wanna go first?

Fortunate : Jay.

Jay : WHAT?!

Us : Yeah, Jay.

Mr Sean : Okay Jay ...

Jay : Wait a minute. *runs out of the class*

Me : Mr Sean .. ta yao sha wo men le! (He wanna kill us le!)

Mr.Sean : I think he's only joking ...

Us : Its not funny ..

Me : Maybe he's taking a blade now.

Syazren : Maybe he's getting a gun.

*Jay comes back with a pencil*

Jay : Okay ... Lai Yenn, how do I spell your name?

Me : Why? Just in case I died and nobody knows my name?

Jay : Yeah some sort.

*Mr Sean starts telling him about good and bad (we're laughing our ass off) and told him his marks*

AND JAY SHOWS US A LIST THAT SAYS "WHO TO KILL" WITH ALL OF OUR NAMES THERE.

Wtf man.


And the best part is, my name's top of the list.

So, in case I were to die , here's a picture of that guy.
His full name is Lim Ju Wen, but he goes by the name Jay because he thinks Wen is a girl's name.
Oh and he also said he'll kill anyone that calls him Wen.


And I am not fucking joking.

LilAngie
xoxo

Something that I would never expect.

Was in Social Psychology class when Mr.Suresh smsed and asked if I was around.

I told him yes, because I thought maybe he wanted to invite me for a Christmas party or something. And then he starts calling my phone, when I was in the middle of the class.
But I didn't pick it up.


After a few hours, I'm starting to wonder,
if he only wanted to invite me to a party, why is he so eager about it?

And the question has been answered when I logged into Facebook.

The first few posts that I saw was :

R.I.P Shine Shawne.


I was like, wtf happened to him?!

I asked Alphaeus, but he wasn't replying me. And I saw that Choon Weng was online, but I hesitated because I thought he's in Lagoon. But I still messaged him.
Surprisingly, he's there and he told me the whole story.

Or rather, confirmed the story.

Up till this moment, I still can't believe it.
I've known him for 5 years and ... he's only eighteen.

He's so young ..

Everyone was devestated, especially the posts from his closest friends.
Some of them even changed their profile pictures to the ones that they took with Shawne.
I still can't grasp the idea that he's no longer here.

R.I.P Shine Shawne.
You will always be in our hearts.

And I'm really sorry that I can't be there to pay your family some respects.
I truly am.

LilAngie
xoxo

Embrace.

Statements that my friends has frequently told me.

- Wait till you have your boyfriend.
- I can't wait to see you with your boyfriend. That'd be so interesting.




Keep on waiting.
Because at this rate , I doubt I'd ever have.


LilAngie
xoxo

Memorable moments.

The title says it all.

Lol.

Since I'm quite free at the moment , I guess I shall post the most ... significant things that happened during SPM week.

And the most significant one is definitely during Maths which is .. 29th of November if I'm not mistaken.

Paper one was fine , just insufficient time as usual.
Came out and whined a little with the gang.

When we're about to go in for Paper 2 , I realized my whole pencil case is missing.
My IC , exam slip and stationeries are all missing!

I panicked for sure. Went to get a replacement slip from teachers , a pen from Petun , a calculator from Huda , a ruler and pencil from Cass and that's all I brought into the exam hall.
I tried my best not to make any mistake because I don't have any eraser or correction tape with me. I guess it was quite successful coz I only needed to borrow eraser once and that also because I made some mistake in drawing scales and graphs.

I came out , and the teachers said they couldn't find any extra pencil cases lying on the floor.
They suggested me to go report police as soon as possible.
Or technically , Mac asked me to go report asap.

Ok lo , Cassie offered to give me a lift to the police station.
Couldn't help but to cry. Yeah , in front of so many people.
Saw Cassie's mom and told her wud happened.
Joseph and Jing Yi also were listening.

AND THEN

MAC PULLED MY PENCIL CASE OUT OF HIS BAG!
JUST AS WE WERE ABOUT TO GO TO THE POLICE STATION!

We told him earlier to check his bag but he was so certain that he didn't take it -.-
Anyway I already had a hunch that my pencil case will be with him coz he was the only one I saw that didn't check his bag and he sat beside me before he entered the hall.
He mistakenly thought it was his so he packed it in his bag.

How certain of him.


The rest of the papers are ......... well none of them were very significant coz they're pretty much the same routine.

Unless you count Bio coz that's was the last paper that I sat for.
Haha.

LilAngie
xoxo

Irony.

Humoring myself with plain white lies.
Haha.

I know the presence of the hole on the street but yet I still walk through it.
Knowing that I would ended up with injury in the end.

I can only imagine how I look like in the eyes of public.
Oh wait , I already knew.

LilAngie
xoxo

Unexpected

Just heard gossips from my mom and aunt.

Can't believe that my own grandfather would actually spread rumours about his own daughter commiting adultry.

What the hell right?

Thank God I went to Taylors instead of following them to Kampar.
If I was there, I don't know if I can control myself from zha-ing him.

He will never gain my respect from now onwards.

LilAngie
xoxo

I'll back off so you can live better.

I went MIA again , I know.
Sorry guys =)



It's a very nice emo Korean song with very emotional lyrics.

I would recommend this song to those who feel like locking themselves up in a room and cry their heart out =)


Nothing interesting happened lately.
Only that my group of friends played a joke on Joseph and it lasted for

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6 days!

He ended up quite pissed of course.
Sorry Joseph =)
But actually , it was suppose to last till the end of the year haha.

Oh and , I went Malacca last week.
Photos are on my Facebook. Feel free to browse. =D



And I am running out of words to say.
Maybe I should just take my own advice and go emo.
Coz for the past few days I just keep seeing things that I ... dislike.
Oh well , lets just say my best friend , Jealous has returned from her hometown.


No matter how many times I told him that I'm fine , I just won't be.


LilAngie
xoxo